Cubbies Still Play

My arm: A political device?

2009-08-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

I've given far too many drunken informal interviews to people who had no idea what they were getting into when they ask what happened to my arm. Sometimes I lie, and tell stories about fighting bears, or crazy ex-girlfriends and their mothers, or the consensus is that no story compares to the real according to Hoyle truth. There's just no two ways about it: You can't beat getting shot by your best friend.
Most people have the same reaction when they hear the story, moving from disbelief, to being astonished, to sad, to speechless, to hopeful. I'm more than used to it, I'm numb to it. You can imagine my surprise when I heard someone with an almost elated response upon hearing the story then. He wasn't excited that I was alive, he wasn't really that excited that I could still be friends with Michael, what he was excited about was the prospect of using my story to advocate for stronger gun control.
He wanted to interview me again, formally and sober.
He just agreed to a position working with Patty Murray in Washington DC. Sometimes I wish I had just told people it was a skateboarding accident that night.

Pipe Dreams

2009-07-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot of pipe dreams in my life. When I was in high school, for some time I wanted to live in a VW bus and eat pancakes every day. This isn't the kind of stuff I could lie about, I'm not making this up. Most of my dreams these days have something to do with being a productive member of society, but on my own terms, rather than just being a self-important bum.
One of those reoccurring dreams I've had recently involves owning an awesome bar that people could come to in order to eat, drink and be merry. There would be shuffle board, and domestic drafts, and darts, pool, flat screen TVs, and gin fizz. Recently, thinking about something else the bar would need worried me a little bit: Employees.
What worries me about employees is that ultimately, I would have to hire people like myself. They would hate their boss, they would not really care about the job, and most likely, they'd want to own their own awesome bar. They'd want their bar, not mine, to be the place where people go to eat, and drink, and be merry.
I was at a bar just the other day, and had some of the worst service ever. The waiter was drunker than I was, he was writing orders down on bubble gum wrappers, and he was bringing out way too many cheeseburgers, and nowhere near enough water, or ketchup for that matter. I'm actually pretty confidant that he was functionally retarded at that point.
My friend Justen had an idea that would remove the thinking from these ever demanding service jobs that bars rely on to turn a profit. Just have customers write down their own orders, so that they don't have to put their faith in the hands of a gut who's not smart enough to just take two aspirin and call-in in the morning.

2009-06-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

Having been an accomplice to many,
A messy break-up,
I still ask myself,
"What role shall I play?"

And I answer myself,
As is always the case,
that my role,
Is that of the spoiler.

Trying to make this second,
This minute measure,
Seem more like what it it,
A tiny piece of infinity.

To observe what makes this infinity,
different than another,
But I know from my last infinity,
Exactly what comes next.

Clear Distinctions

2009-03-03T11:45:00.000-08:00

I found a way to make a clearer distinction between things on Youtube and things for this Blog, now, I'm going to use youtube to converse with Michael via collaborative vlog, ala the vlogbrothers. Imagine something like bromance, but less dramatic, and with more instances of stop motion.

Teach for Something

2009-03-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

I made a plan about a year and a half ago for what at the time would be the next five years of my life. I'm down to the last three and a half years of that plan, and the finance sector of the Economy might have thrown a giant wrench in it. I've wanted to sign up to Teach for America, and use that as a stepping stone to further education,or a career as a teacher, but I'm worried that due to the unavailability of funding Teach for America's scope might be decreased, and admissions might become more competitive. I see myself as being a borderline candidate, overall, and I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work out. Maybe I'll make movies, or something.

White Power

2009-02-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

"Working at a University, as a tenured professor, sometimes it's difficult for me to feel as myself, being a white supremacist surrounded by all these intellectuals."

This is a real live quote taken from a real live whit supremacist forum. It's irony is as thick and juicy as a New York Steak.

2009-02-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

My friend recently insisted that I get a twitter account, so I did thinking that I'd never use it, and basically just forget about it after a week or something. This turned out not to be the case, as Facebook has a twitter application, and now I can update my status with text messages. Needless to say, this convenient marriage of two of my favorite past times (texting and updating my facebook status) has had a negative impact on my productivity, and on my ability to separate myself from the internet. I'n totally fine with these developments.

Just in: Republican Governers retarded

2009-02-19T09:56:00.000-08:00

In a USA today story, 4 Republican Governors give retarded quotes implying that they think a fiscal stimulus is a bad idea, despite rampant short falls in state budgets. Republicans are considering refusal of stimulus money for states because they're worried that once federal money "runs out" these new programs will be unsustainable. The Stimulus money is not designated for new programs though, it's designated for programs which have been proven to be sustainable in an economy which is operating near potential (which ours currently isn't).

Dilemma

2009-02-11T14:01:00.001-08:00

I have something of a dilemma. I just opened a youtube account for the express purpose of recording moving images of myself for people all over the world to look at, and listen to. I intend to talk about things which by some grand measure are mundane, but that's largely what I already do here. There may be some features of this narcissism which lend themselves to the written word, a and others which lend themselves to visual and audible communication though, so I feel that the confluence of these to media may simply be the greatest gift I've ever given my ego.

Let's hope this works.

Winter

2008-12-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

Winter is upon us. Fall quarter is over, and I'm terribly tired.

336

2008-12-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

Today is the 336th days of the year, which means that if it weren't a leap year, I'd be 21 right now. Actually, if scientists hadn't realized we were losing days and introduced leap-years I would have been 21 4 days ago.

Two Schools of Thought

2008-11-30T02:03:00.000-08:00

Two friends with more experience than I myself have with alcohol have each proposed differing views on the best method of alcohol consumption.

"The answer is always malt liquor, preferably with energy drink mixed in."
-Lindsey Grad

"The tower of beer... It was more than enough, and it didn't contain anything cheap."
-Paul Fillmore

The take away point from these arguments is that whatever the best alcohol is, it isn't Vodka.

This is how we do

2008-11-19T09:53:00.001-08:00

Time flies

2008-11-13T00:35:00.000-08:00

The number of days between now and my 21st birthday is less than the number of years I've been alive. And there's more good news. I'm not taking Math any more, so now I can have a proper 21 run, with no tests in the morning. I also have less than 30 days before this interminable Autumn quarter is finally...terminal. Then I can get on with my life, and hopefully get back to inciting revolutions with my art.

This, I'm willing to wager, is not going to end well.

I had a hangover

2008-11-04T11:59:00.000-08:00

I had a hangover on Saturday morning after my long night of drinking on Halloween. Today's the 4th, and I'm down to 28 days, 4 weeks exactly, until I can walk into a bar and order an Appletini, or a Jack and coke, or an entire bottle of wine. It's also another 5 weeks until I'm done with classes this quarter, then I'm down to about 5 quarters to finish up my degree.

I remember a day was that I couldn't imagine life after 21. Not that I couldn't imagine being alive, I just had no idea what it would be like, I just couldn't think past 21. It's finally setting in though, what life will be like at 21 years and one day.

I'll have a hangover, and it might never go away.

My Weekend

2008-10-24T17:51:00.001-07:00

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"Make Me Lose Control"

2008-10-15T22:52:00.001-07:00

So before I was watching Season Two, Episode Three of Grey's Anatomy in which there's a patient who blushes uncontrollably and is going to have a surgery done to stop blushing. Two possible complications to the surgery included Brachial Plexus injury and a Neumothorax, which just happen to be the two things that I was in the hospital with for so long, and for some reason I couldn't focus at all in class.

Something Kurt Vonnegut said

2008-10-13T05:57:00.000-07:00

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."

My first time going to a strip club, I was incredibly nervous. I had no idea what to expect. In retrospect, I should have known exactly what to expect: Boobies, and men ogling boobies. Most of the boobies weren't very good at dancing, but it was a Tuesday, so I don't blame them.
The last dancer in the set danced to an Aero-Smith song that Stephen Tyler wrote about his daughter. Upon hearing it, Michael turned to me and said (roughly), "I bet Stephen Tyler would be pissed if he saw some girl stripping to this song." I thought about it, and then I turned to my right and noticed some guy I who went to high school with us, who had graduated a few years before us.

It suddenly occurred to me that the pair of tits on stage had a father, a gaggle of former high school classmates, and an incredibly low self-esteem. When she was done on stage she gave a lap dance to that guy from high school. Afterward, she had a father, a gaggle of former high school classmates, and forty bucks in her pocket. He had roughly the same pattern of attributes, minus the forty dollars, and I have to assume plus the low self-esteem.

"Life is no way to treat an animal."

Good News for people who love Bad News

2008-10-08T00:14:00.001-07:00

Sasha will be delighted to find a bankrupt Iceland when she comes home. I know she wants the best for Icelanders because they were so nice when she went there but as soon as she realizes that her American Dollars will be worth their weight in gold there (likely more), she'll be able to take weekend trips to her favorite island paradise.

Maybe not weekend trips, but damn cheap ones.

To Clarify

2008-10-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a little thing about Religion. I am not a huge fan of religion, and I never have been. I don't subscribe to a belief that there's some amorphous, all powerful, ultimately vengeful, ever forgiving father figure somewhere out in the ethos of the night sky with some divine plan. I don't believe that I was born on a path to success or failure, although sometimes I do wish that were the case--it'd be much less stressful. In two year when I graduate I'm going to be faced with a decision whether I want to be an Economist or a Teacher and I don't have someone to tap me on the shoulder to tell me what the right answer is, and I don't think that anyone else does either.

But that's not what irks me about religion. What really pisses me off are all the holy wars that the churches and synagogues, and mosques have gotten us into. These Crusades, and the fucking Inquisition, and now this Cluster-Fuck romp through the middle-east. None of it makes any sense.

I think people should be good, and I don't mean that in some Christian sense of morality, or any other sense of Religious morality. I think morality, a judgment of what is good and what is bad, is too important to be left to the Church, and all the other religious affiliations who've managed to get it so wrong before. The rational for being good shouldn't be the belief that someone bigger and stronger than you will punish you if you aren't. The rational for being good should be that you're a fucking human being, and so is everyone else.

A summation of politics

2008-09-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

"Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice."

No matter how much it seems that a politician is out to destroy the world, he or she should always be assumed to be attempting to make the world a "better" place but will usually be wrong in what their assessment of the definition of better.

Henry Paulson

2008-09-28T02:11:00.000-07:00

I've been reading more and more about Henry Paulson's idea for the housing market bailout, and I've come to the conclusion that it's a terrible idea for a few reasons.
Firstly, Henry Paulson was the CEO of Goldman Sachs while this whole Mortgaged-backed Cluster Fuck was getting under way, and I just don't think that putting one of the people who was in charge of screwing everything up in the first place should be charged with setting everything strait. Secondly, I don't think that his stated aim of drastically overpaying is the best tactic for solving this problem especially since the whole problem we had when we were drunk on credit was that the credit wasn't being valued accurately. Deliberately miss valuing assets is by no means a way to solve a problem the originally arose from inaccurate asset valuations, and if Henry Paulson thinks that really would be the best solution then I have to refer you back to my first point.

Home again

2008-09-24T00:35:00.001-07:00

I just got back from New York. I had a terrific time: I ate too well, I slept to much, and I watched the Cubs clobber the shit out of the Mets.
But I need to sleep right now, because classes start in the morning. My Chinese 380 teacher (Chinese literature in English) must be insane, because I already have an assignment. I guess that's not to strange, but still. Fuck him.
I hope he never reads this, but in case he does read this, I hope he understands that I'm really not happy that I have to do an assignment already. Seriously, fuck him.

New York, New York

2008-09-17T00:38:00.000-07:00

Well I'm off to New York in the morning. Home to large rats. Also, I here there's a bit of a rodent problem.

538

2008-09-15T14:55:00.000-07:00

When I said about a week ago that Electoral-vote was the most potent tool for following the presidential election, I was lying through my teeth, 538 is clearly a much more powerful electoral predictor.

It is the Economy, stupid.

2008-09-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

A top Economist said today that the financial markets are in trouble, that we are running out of solutions, and that, "The levies are not working." Which brings back eerie imagery of Hurricane Katrina. I just hope to god that the next president knows what he's doing, and I know that McCain doesn't.

The Election

2008-09-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm finding myself more and more engrossed in this whole "political process." I spend at least an hour a day looking at maps of the US with each state taking a different shade of red or blue just asking myself, "What can I do to make such and such state a lighter shade of red, or make such and such state a darker shade of blue."
It's not because I think those "red-states" (which is actually a concept that I hate, but I have to use it for the sake of communicating effectively) are totally ass backwards. I think that they (generalizations are perfectly acceptable when talking about demographics represented by different colors) honestly believe that having more guns and fewer abortions can in some way make the world a better place. I also believe, whole heartedly, that such a world view totally a completely devoid of the truth.
Would that make me a good politician?

Time Lapse

2008-09-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

t- 5 days until I leave for New York
t- 81 days until I'm 21 years of age
t- 6 hours until I'm drunk

San Antonio to harness shit

2008-09-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

Even though this is actually a great idea, I still think it would be a terrible place to live.

The Economy? No.

2008-09-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

Here someone argues that Sarah Palin is not so much a woman as she is a divisive Conservative mouth piece.

Word to the wise

2008-09-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

If you have a friend with whom you always have a running bet with, don't allow said friend see that you have given yourself a Mohawk out of sheer boredom because chances are, your novelty hairstyle will turn into a bet, or become the consequence of a bet.

It took long enough

2008-09-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

Now that Southcenter's expansion has been completed (for over a month now) I'd like to welcome all residents of Renton and Kent (and all their sales tax dollars) to come and wine and dine themselves. Parking may be a problem, but there is a valet service.
By the way, what the fuck is a valet service doing in Tukwila. Something isn't right here.

College Football Returns

2008-09-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

And as Washington burns Neuheisel plays the fiddle.

Staying Informed

2008-08-31T15:22:00.000-07:00

I think that once again electoral-vote dot com will prove to be the most potent and relevant way to keep abreast with our national political races, which is to say a total waste of time.

Veep

2008-08-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

Picking a former pageant runner up may have swayed my vote, had she not replaced her baby fat with botox.

Still she's easily the second sexiest #2 candidate in the history of elections. Tsega will always be number one in my book as far as veeps are concerned.

Spring is in the Air

2008-08-20T00:15:00.000-07:00

Sasha finally built up the Courage to ask out Alex. That or she had an honest fear that Angela and I would disown her if she didn't. Either way, there are dinner plans for Thursday. Then my Final is Friday, then Angela leaves, then I binge on Summer.

"Burger King Officials now say the sink has been sanitized...twice."

2008-08-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

I guess this tool didn't think that our nation was fighting obesity fast enough and decided that he should probably repulse us even further than generic processed chicken could.

Intensive Chinese

2008-08-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

Alright, who's fucking idea was it to take Intensive Chinese? I'm gonna have something like a 2.9 cumulative GPA when this is all said and done. If I'm lucky. 2.9 is incidentally .1 less than the total number of cups I managed to sink in three games of beer pong over the weekend, which I believe is an improvement.

The Cubbies are Playing

2008-04-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

Watching sports is a very recent addition to my life. It started with high school football games which I watched because I simply had nothing better to do; I was in the pep band, and we played at games, and there was nothing I could do about it: so I watched football games.
Then, much to the chagrin of my mother, I started to enjoy watching football games. Then during the 2005 NBA finals, I learned to like basketball. Then before I knew it, I even liked the occasional hockey game.
Now I'm beginning to find the joy in our nation's pastime--Baseball.
Esquire, to celebrate it's 75th year in publication, has opted to run a series of gimmicky articles, and features, and what have you all dealing with the number 75 (certainly the Count from Sesame Street has a hand in this). One of the features in their May issue is a list of 75 Skills Every Man Should Master. "No.4: Score a Baseball Game," the list says, and it describes the act as an exercise in observation.

I will consider this a score card for my life, and I'll be keeping track starting 61 years and one day after Jackie Robinson broke the major league color barrier.

The Cubs happen to be beating the Reds 10-1 at home in the bottom of the fifth right now.